Raising 3 kids with severe depression?

I have three kids, ages 3, 22 months, and 4 months. I love my kids to death, but am, I believe, clinically depressed. I've never had a diagnosis, but have had feelings of worthlessness, sadness, and a complete disinterest in activities since high school. I am not suicidal, but will periodically find myself fantasizing about my own death. (not ual fantasizing, mind you) It's not a desire to kill myself, almost more of a curiosity. My husband works a lot, and isn't exactly supportive when he is home. I have always had a hard time keeping things organized, but it has gotten to the point where it is so cluttered and sometimes unsanitary at our house with dishes piling up and soiled laundry sitting in baskets for days. The bills frequently don't get paid on time, and we're wasting money on late fees. I know this isn't a healthy environment for my children, and that just makes me feel worse! While I'm not exactly sad all the time, I'm never happy. I fake it for my kids' sakes, but I want to feel real happiness again! That's not to say I don't enjoy my kids ever; I do. Its just a removed kind of joy. Almost like you would watching someone else's kids do something cute, or achieve something for the first time. Like, "awww...that's so awesome for them!" Only I'm the one its happening to, and I just don't feel it that deeply! I would never leave my kids, don't have any desire to. I just want to feel normal! I don't even know if I have ever been truly happy. I don't have insurance, so counseling or meds will be hard to come by. I don't know what to do, but I'm at my breaking point. I have to do something, or I'm terrified my kids will be forever affected in a very negative way. I don't want them growing up to hate me, or to be like me! Help!